short funny affirmations11 Apr short funny affirmations
Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. Lily Tomlin, 242. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. It gets toad away. Decomposing. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". 50. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. My son is now an entrepreneur. 170. 115. 5. 23. 84. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. What is the tallest building in the entire world? 5. Let me know in the comments section down below! Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. Because seven ate nine. Run. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. Build a bridge. What is Mozart doing right now? Cindy from Marzahn "Today will be a great day". When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. 131. Bill Murray Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? 3. 213. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. Live life to the fullest. Funny Affirmations. Envelope. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? 228. The library, because it has so many stories. They planet. 180. 130. 186. 1. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. You cant have everything, where would you put it? You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. Its okay, he woke up. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. 187. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. I can always be fatter. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. 244. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. Short Funny Quotes. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. I am strong and getting stronger every day. You were too lazy to read that number. 2. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. 33. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. 236. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 75. He who laughs last didnt get it. 141. Batwoman: single. Henny Youngman Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. 34. 8. God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. 103. 247. 226. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 174. 51. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. "Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is!". Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. My chins are a stairway to heaven. 59. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. It's OK to take a break. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. 33. 91. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. If only common sense were more common. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. 3. Good morning! Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. 1. Im not insulting you. How do trees access the internet? I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Life begins on Friday night. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. Yeah, so is a grenade. Swimming trunks. 1. Best friends eat your food. 273. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". - Unknown. 44. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. Theres no stopping me now. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. 30. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. 248. Go to bed with satisfaction.". I choose to stop obsessing about my body. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. 254. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. Ken Dodd, 255. A gummy bear. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 208. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. Czech proverb, 261. George Burns Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Pat Sajak Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. 187. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. 124. Roy Lichtenstein. 61. Have a look! I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 57. 90. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. 44. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? 144. It may feel useless but just get into it. I breathe in and out. But even if this does happen, who cares? Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. 190. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. 19. 214. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. My mood swings keep life interesting. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. Flip Wilson, 263. I see the funny side of life more and more. 56. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 79. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. I am calm, patient and at peace. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. Related Post: 201 Awesome Short Inspirational Quotes About Life. 64. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. 200. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. 89. Lorrin L. Lee. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. "Have a great Wednesday. 278. Its okay, he woke up. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. What do computers eat for a snack? 8. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 36. 274. 208. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. Need to send some positive energy your way? These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. 88. 172. A backbone. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 241. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 118. Walter Bagehot Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. 123. 26. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. 210. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. If only common sense were more common. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? I am feeling wittier and more naturally funny. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. 134. 140. avoid carbs. Erma Bombeck 140. 27. 25. Honolulu, its got everything. 272. No, but April may. I am lazy till I get a motive. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. Bill Murray Raimonda.B. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. Ben Hogan. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. I never apologize. 35. 172. 194. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. 77. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. - Catherine Pulsifer. My cankles will hold me. 82. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. 125. 80. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. - Unkmown. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . Description for this block. 211. When nothing is going right, go left. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. 20. - TS Eliot. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. I see food, and I eat it. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. The thing is, I am still getting ready. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. 42. I am attractive just as I am. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". With time, I have started to value more time. Steve Martin, 254. 178. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". I wish my wallet came with free refills. Pat Sajak, 41. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Learn sign language, its very handy. Your habits become your values. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. 164. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. 101. 203. A mind is like a parachute. 18. 3. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. I love my body. Only two more days until Friday.". Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. ~ Bill Gates. 202. Honolulu, its got everything. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. Read the first word again. In the morning, I cant get up. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. 108. 1. 36. How do you count cows? 23. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? In between, I am alive. 11. So far, so good. Albert Einstein, 190. 276. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 54. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. Jonathan lockwood huie. 161. Never take life seriously. 24. You cant have everything, where would you put it? Alright, get in the basket.. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. Some when they enter, others when they leave. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. Send me the link. I love my kids, which means I am doing just fine. 9. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. All you need is love. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. We frequently doubt ourselves. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . 250. I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. 100. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. Hi! 269. What do you call a bear with no teeth? 17. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Youre not tequila., 5. 250. 158. My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. 69. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. A wishbone. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. I train my body. I dont think thats a coincidence. 173. 265. You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. 32. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Art doesnt transform. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. 184. We'll get to that later. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. Short Funny Affirmations. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. 165. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. The best things in life are free. 193. Take a look! 270. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. 112. 8. 60. 228. 220. 123. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. 163. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. Enjoy! Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. 115. We all need a little energy boost here and there. Don't forget to be awesome. 35. 224. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. 205. Czech proverb It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. 3. I wish my wallet came with free refills. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". 154. 91. 220. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Bill Murray, 260. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. 258. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. Steven Wright, 252. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. - F. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.
No Comments